The Phrases shared by My Parent That Helped Me during my time as a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

But the reality soon turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he burnt out. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The straightforward words "You're not in a healthy space. You must get assistance. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more accustomed to discussing the strain on mums and about PND, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a wider inability to open up amongst men, who still absorb harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a sign of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the chance to request a pause - going on a couple of days abroad, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He realised he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the logistical chores of caring for a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That insight has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "poor decisions" when younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the hurt.

"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your partner or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that made you feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and when you can, resting, all are important in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their struggles, altered how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, at times I think my job is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering an equal amount as you are in this journey."